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How do I make sure I orgasm during sex?

If this question means how does a woman make sure she has an orgasm during a night of sex, then it’s about a woman figuring out what makes her have an orgasm and how to incorporate that into sexual activity with her partner. This comes easily for some women and not so easily for others.

We live in a culture where women are often more comfortable with romantic thoughts and less so with sexual thoughts that may be more effective in leading to arousal and orgasm. When orgasm doesn’t occur easily or naturally for a woman, I suggest sexual fantasizing, masturbation, use of a vibrator, and a visit to a sexual resource center. If you can do it on your own, it’s often easier to graduate to doing it with a partner.

If the question means how to make sure to have an orgasm during penile sexual intercourse, that’s a tougher question. I would suggest that this is not a worthwhile goal, at least all the time, as it could require a fair amount of logistics; nothing wrong with taking turns.

What do I do when the condom breaks?

First, consider getting tested for STDs if you were using it to prevent them.

If you’re concerned about getting pregnant, there are three ways to prevent it, explained here in order of effectiveness from most to least:

Go to your women’s health provider (doctor or midwife, nurse practitioner, or PA) and have a copper IUD inserted. This is about 99 percent effective in preventing pregnancy after a condom breaks. It can also be used for up to the next 10 years for contraception, if desired.  You can do this five to seven days after the condom breaks.

Phone or go to your women’s health provider and ask for a prescription for Ella (ulipristal acetate) a single pill that is effective in preventing pregnancy (less so than the copper IUD but more than Plan B). You can do this up to five days after the condom breaks.

Go directly to the pharmacy and pick up over-the-counter Plan B (levonorgestrel, a progestin). You can do this most effectively up to three days after the condom breaks.

Does penis size matter?

Like anything, it may matter to some people, like being thin or having a nice car might matter to some people when they choose a partner. Depending on how much certain looks matter to an individual, penis size might be considered too big or too small. It certainly seems to matter to some men for bragging rights and for the amount they trash talk about it. It may also matter for some men and women in terms of how a certain size penis feels during intercourse. Penis size does not matter in terms of ability to have an orgasm or being able to get a woman pregnant.

How do vibrators work?

Vibrators contain an electric or battery powered motor that produces vibrations. When the power is turned on the vibrating motor is activated, creating vibrations.

Can vibrators be used during intercourse?

Yes they can. In fact, butterfly vibrators were specifically designed for this purpose. If you don’t have access to a butterfly vibrator, any small stimulator will do. Both partners usually enjoy vibrations during intercourse.

Should I moan?

Remember that one of the keys to sexual pleasure is to get what you want. As nice as it would be to have a partner that can read your mind, they don’t exist, especially in the opposite-sex variety.

So heat things up a bit with some home-grown porn-star moaning to let your partner know when he or she is doing it right. If the “warmer… warmer…” approach isn’t getting you there, try a little dirty talk to offer more direct suggestions, or to praise previous acts that you are hoping will be repeated. (Ever used that specific, growth-mindset praise with your kids? Try it in bed if you want a high-achieving spouse.) If you blush just thinking about saying dirty words out loud, start quietly and whisper them to your partner at first.

How to end the stalemate?

Women report that they are too tired for sex because their spouses don’t acknowledge how hard their lives are, often balancing the lion’s share of the housework and childcare with work outside the home. They say they’d have more energy for sex if their husbands would just write them more love-letters (any form of romance, love or affection would do), do more housework (at least don’t leave that pile of dirty laundry there for me to pick up!), and take the kids to school (don’t forget the food for the teacher appreciation pot-luck).

Men, on the other hand, report grouchiness during dry spells and say they’ll feel like writing that love poem just as soon as they get a little pickle tickle.

Stop it, you two. The key here is to find a way to feel good enough to do the deed without making it contingent on your partner changing something. To put your own oxygen mask on first, so to speak. What do YOU need to do to get to that place?

Is the Kitchen table and Shower good to have sex on?

You’ve been doing it in the same place for a million years, and let’s face it: The marital bed just isn’t the same once a baby has slept (and nursed and pooped) there.

Research suggests that some of the drop in sexual activity comes from a loss of novelty. We humans get used to just about everything in our lives; even things we really like can become ho-hum. While our new car or new job or new just-about-anything might be thrilling at first, our nervous system adapts so that new thing isn’t so stimulating anymore.

So get some new moves on. Shake things up with as much novelty as you can think of. Change locations, positions—even the music that you play (hint: Jazz aficionados have 30 percent more sex). Say new things.

Should I keep my eyes open?

We connect with one another deeply through eye-contact, and gazing into your love’s eyes can meld your physical connection with an emotional one.

Even though it can make us feel vulnerable to maintain an eye-lock during love making, it keeps the neural circuits we need for intimacy open. (If opening your eyes makes it too hard for you to be in touch with your own senses, try slowing things down. Find your emotional connection through foreplay before going further.) If you aren’t doing it already, make an effort to keep your eyes open while you climax.

What should I do to make sex more passionate?

Show a little tenderness. Also, take out the garbage. Did you know that an equal division of household labor is more important to marital happiness for most couples than having children is? Is an unfair division of the housework (and childcare) causing resentment and frustration in your marriage?

If it is, chances are that that resentment is spilling over into your [possibly paltry] sex life.