They say life is about the journey, not the destination. The very same could be said for sex; making love involves much more than intercourse alone, and for many of us, it’s the intimacy, tenderness and exquisite anticipation enjoyed before penetration where much of sex’s inherent pleasure lies.
Delaying that final release – in this case, ejaculation – is a really common craving of men everywhere, who, for various reasons, want the penetrative part of sex to last longer.
In a heterosexual relationship, a key motivator comes down to some pretty unavoidable differences between men and women’s physiology. In what seems like a massive oversight of creation – or else a pretty cruel trick – women take around four times as long to reach orgasm through intercourse as their male partners.
Mind the Gap
Statistics suggest that on average, men enjoy around 3 minutes of penetrative sex before orgasm. Women, on the other hand, take anywhere between 10 to 20 minutes to climax.
Taking into consideration guys’ refectory period – that post-ejaculation interlude before he can get hard again – and the potential for exasperation becomes frustratingly clear.
Worrying about not going the distance has been piling pressure onto men folk for a long time. It goes without saying that we all want our partners to share our pleasure and climaxes. But here’s the thing: having a penis doesn’t automatically shift the responsibility of both his and her orgasm guy-side.
Shaking that clearly flawed – albeit frustratingly widespread – assumption is the first step to enjoying the leisurely route to pleasure, as opposed to some high-speed bullet train. Yep, there they are again: journeys and destinations.
Start, Stop, then Start Again
Retraining physical responses with a partner takes practice. Initially, that means some one-on-one time between him and his manhood. By and large, masturbation is a hasty affair, with just one quick and clear goal: release. With this in mind, is it any wonder that when it comes to being intimate with another person, events can prove equally, ahem, efficient?
That’s where the start/ stop method comes in. Self explanatory enough, it involves applying the breaks right before ejaculation, then waiting 15 seconds before starting up again.
A solo exercise, the thinking goes it helps guys to develop an awareness of their body’s signals and responses. Bring that new-found self-knowledge into the bedroom, slow down, and savor the moment.
Work Those Kegels
Pelvic exercises, those repeated flexing of pelvic floor muscles to develop control and sensation, aren’t just for the ladies – men can do Kegel exercises too. No gym membership required, the honing of this key group promises guys all kinds of benefits, from tackling urinary incontinence through to, you guessed it, better command of his manhood during sex.
Gents: to pinpoint the precise network of muscles in question, try stopping urinating mid-flow. Feel it? Those, my friend, can help delay orgasm. Once you’ve located them, they can be exercised anywhere by contracting for a slow count of five, then releasing, also for a slow count of five. Repeat ten times – that could be in the office, behind the wheel, wherever – gradually increasing duration over time.
When climax feels dangerously close, give those PC muscles a flex for a momentary delay and hopefully, some added composure…
Find Time for Foreplay
For many men, the most common motivation behind wanting to last longer between the sheets is their partner’s orgasm. Whilst certainly admirable, to put matters into perspective only an estimated 30% of women climax through penetration alone. In short, you’ve got to keep your foreplay game tight, son.
We’re talking about teasing, and clitoral stimulation – be it by tongue, finger or external sex toy – will likely bring her closer to the brink than just intercourse.
And, when the inevitable happens and neither party can hold out for even a moment longer, the act of penetration becomes the lusty cherry atop the most delicious of cakes that’s most definitely best enjoyed together. Yum!
The Big Squeeze
Advanced training for longevity in bed is all well and good, but what of practical measures during the act itself?
Well, men can temporarily delay their climaxes by applying pressure to the base of the penis. The briefly-restricted blood flow has a desensitizing effect, allowing him to bring things down a notch and prolong the pleasure.
Granted, it doesn’t sound terribly sexy, but it can be – honest! That could be an intimate signal or code word between partners to request a gentle squeeze; or else cock rings are specifically designed to offer interim pressure for pleasure…
Mixing Things Up to Slow Things Down
A seemingly one-way track to ejaculation can be slowed by simply shifting positions.
If it’s missionary that gets your mojo going, a mid-romp switch to doggy-style can work wonders. Similarly, certain arrangements stimulate the penis more than others. As with most matters related to intimacy, this one’s pretty personal so our best advice is to practice, practice, practice! Likewise, varying the depth and rhythm of thrusts can be just the tonic for penetration that goes the distance.
A Problem Shared…
Above all, and as with most things in life, when it comes to addressing longevity between the sheets, communication between partners is essential.
Maintaining erections generally not being something guys gossip about, you know, over a couple of pints down the pub, some men feel disproportionately anxious about bringing their partner to orgasm. That in itself can have all kinds of negative implications on mental health, relationships – everything. But, guaranteed: addressing these issues with your significant other won’t just help in finding a solution; it could also pave the way to a whole new journey of pleasure, together.